Who are we in a relationship?

Whoever we are, one thing is certain, we are all very much shaped by those who raised us, our parents and/or caregivers. We are the product of human relationships, and most of us spend our days within the context of relationships with other people. In order to have a "healthy, happy" life, most people  need other people to be close to us in our lives. Who we are is very much a function of where we have come from, and who we surround ourselves with. Despite their vital importance in our lives, relationships can be very difficult to manage. We expect our intimate partners to provide for many of our needs, but often find that differing expectations, frustration, and a need to be right create conditions for conflict and erosion of intimacy. Often, our children (especially tweens and teens) test us for weaknesses.  Our adult parents grow older and require care, placing a burden on our other responsibilities. A diverse set of communication and relationship skills is required if one is to successfully meet the challenges of family life. Primarily, we learn how to be in successful relationships by experiencing them directly; by watching our parents manage conflict successfully and stay true to their loving union. Similarly, we do our best learning on how to become a good parent while being parented ourselves. Problems experienced in our early relationships are often expressed in our own behavior towards others (child abusers were often themselves abused). Unfortunately  relationship skills are seldom taught in school or other institutional settings. All of this adds up to the fact that many people end up making a mess of their relationships, in part because they never learned how to do them properly. Therapy is a great place (to start)  to learn how to improve the quality of your relationships. Adapted from an article by  Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.